An Observers tale

I am well awair that credibility is deminished by the structure of sentances, paragraphs and spelling errors but I am not looking for veiwers. My soul purpous of writing here is to but my thoughts out into the world instead of selfishly caging them in my mind where no one has access to them but myself.
Although I must admit my life has been demenstrating to me that that is not fully true. I find that I will have a thought or a question in responce to someones statements and if I hold back those thoughts after some time someone else will voice those thoughts for me. This is not always true but it happens enough to be uncanny.
The thought of being a religiuos sister has been poping up often once again. If I were to do so how would I react to meeting the one who would be my partner. I know a weakness of mine is closing doors to opportunities. I think what 'if' to the point that I don't take advantage of things when there is an opportunity scream at me. Ce la vie.
There have been loads of people who have passed through my life this past year. Most of them holding a wealth of information that could have been shared to be helpful. The only thing is in order to get the answers you have to know the questions. People came here to get away from life, not to guide someone ealses. But I have had many a suggestion. And I do know of things that I will like to persue when I am in Canada.
That is only a month from now. I actually can't wait. I am really looking forward to the adventure of coming to a place I know so well and see the familiar places with it's new vibrant energy that has been infused into it as a year has passed. (truely only six months) After the last time it was interesting to see the new styles of the people.

Okay, well today (like a few days this past month) I was thinking on how it would be nice to have a child to help grow and develop into an adult. The fact that there is a young boy here with his mother probably plays a key roll to these thoughts.
To discover the world through a childs eyes. That would be a wonderful thing to experience. Many of the people I know around me are haveing or considering having children or adding to their families.
I guess I am progressing in life. At one time it was romance that I was looking for in life, now I am looking for a father. Yikes! I am developing weither I like it or not.
"Life is what happens to you as you are busy making plans" (unknown source).

I was searching the web on spirituality and looking at other religions (eg. Islam, and Buddisim) when I was struck by the idea of childrens spirituality. I know for myself I was extreamly spiritual as a child and I see my oldest sister following the same path. This courisoity lead me to do a google serach where I found this sight:
http://www.childspirit.net/
This looks to be something I wish to get involved in. One of the best ways to promot spirituality is through the education of others and who are more open (almost to the point of vulerability) to new leasons but children.

It is neat to look at others now because I am seeing their actions more objectively. What almost put me around the bend being here last season is that I saw meaning in everything and this was overwhelming me becasue I personnally was trying to process everything. I realize now that I was undertaking an impossible task. No one person can truely objectivly evaluate all that they see.

What has me pondering things is that I know my will be done; because my will is God's will and it is God's will that I wish to accomplish. The thing that has me stumped is that I am trying to solidify for myself, what my will is.

I had an attonement long time back now and instead of surrendering to that Unconditional (in the purest sence of the word) Love I pulled myself back to this world becuase I realized those around me were ignorant of the Unconditional Love that is present to us all. It was at that moment that I realized I wanted to educate people about what is out there.

For the first while after having this experience I tryed hard to get back to that feeling of euphoria and Unconditional Love but as I mattured I realized that it was a gift. A gift that we all experience in different was. There is the Unconditional Love of a parent, or a partner. The more talk to some poeple the more I discover others have not necessairaly experienced things as I have in my life and this was a shock to me.>>>

Life progressed and I put this experience aside. It wasn't untill last season here on Guana when I was challenged on the existance of a god that I remembered that experience.

I know I can be anything I wish in this world. I have the brains to learn anything and work in any possition, there is not limits there. There are no limits to this world except those that we place upon it. I know in my heart this is true. I know that actions speak louder then words and that people will learn by the example I set. So I wish to live my life in accordance to God's will. For the longest time I was searching to figure out how I can know what is God's will. ACIM is directing me to the thoughts that my will is God's will.

Being in the Caribbean has been a wonderful experience. The people I have meet here possess the ability to creat structure in an environment that appears to not have a sturcture.

// posted by Erin @ 1:19 p.m.

It is amazing how when someone undertakes an activity all of a sudden the whole world seems to be doing the same thing.

Is this because our awairness has been brawdened?

For previous generations, the world was flat and the earth revolved around the sun. Some people dared to think differently, but many did this in secret for fear of retribution. Some were daring enough to speak up (like Galilao) and they reinforced the populaces need to surpress their thoughts and feelings.

In the time of courters it was uncivilized to express ones feelings and emotions openly thus surrpression continued.

I resently have become awair of the fact that I tend to be alouf, to draw only those who are truely interested in getting to know me, to myself. This is not a functional means of socialization when working in an feild where one must put themselves forth and be known to others.
In short, I have not been sucessful in makeing myself clear to others (in part because I can not make myself cear to myself) and in doing so those around me see me in many different lights. You are in a position where you have to make decisions about people based on second and third hand information. It is understandable that you do not have enough time in a day to evaluate all those around you, yet you are asked to make judgements about people who are not known to you.
I wish to open up lines of communication to you so that you may have an opportunity to evaluat me yourself.
Now that you have had the opportunity to see that there is a wealth of inteligence behind this alouf posteriour I shall be frank with you.

I am a Canadian with the unique perspective of being 'sheltered' from the mass media hype that has swept North America in regards to this movie.

My first introduction to this film was via a Diana Sawyer interview/portrayal of Mel Gibson, his film, and the controversy it has stirred up.
It is very interesting to see all of this from the outside. Okay, this movie will be controversial because it deals with a religious belief (always controversial) but on top of it the media has had fun creating further controversy.

Jesus is believed by many to be the messiah: the saviour of the people. And because of the way this man 'Jesus' acted he ticked off a lot of people with power and that is never a good thing. Now a day if you do that you just get beaten down. Back then you were killed.
Jesus was one of many who were killed.
Jesus was born and raised in a Jewish family so most likely he was Jewish.
Now the people who may get riled up about the death of Jesus is...?

Christians: as the media is quick to insight. Jak is correct. The whole philosophy of Christianity rests on the foundation that Jesus died and was raised. He was crucified for 'our sins', as the Catholics would say.

Anyone who watches violence for an extended amount of time will be 'riled up'. It is like the matador taunting the bull. It appears the populous is being bated to have greater religious conflict.

As a peaceful Canadian I ask my fellow American neighbours to try and take a step back and look at the larger picture.

It is amazing.
People try and hold feelings and thoughts back becasue....
who is to say why everyone has their own rasionalizationas to why they hold things back.
Is it truely possible to hold things back.
According to the one mind theory if you don't express your thought someone ealse will express it for you. I see this time and again here down on the island.
This is what must make it so frustrationg for those who wish to have a unique or individual thought. This is what sends some people around the bend thinking that their thoughts are being monitored by an external sorce. (drawn from the research done on schizophernia for physcology)
Like many things in life if something is not valibated by others people dismiss it as not 'real' or it is in/and how the experience is confirmed that ones reactions are based on.
Eg. a child falles and bumps their head. After such an event they take the time to look at those around them and how they react to their actions and react that way.
Is this a way of seeking attention? Pavloves dog? Do some children assosate falles and spills with ways of obtaining others attention? Adults seem to do so as well. Someone preceves things going badly for them an then 'out of the blue' they become accident prone. Is this linked to some subconscious memory of the baby being picked up and comforted as a child?
Case in point. lol

Like I said I don't believe in coincidences. Things do seem to follow a script. One can allways preceve what they wish to out of any sittuation. so if someone wishes to see a corolation of events they shall. if they wish to see chaos they shall.

Trueth search for truth.

How does one develop ones talents???
learning teaching sharing

People are in our live as an oportunity to ask questions and receive answers. does that have to be sommunicated in speach or can that happen with proximity.

I haven't ranted for a while and I wanna rant.
Shall I start off by saying:
I'm at a point where I want to fend for myself. I want to cook my own meals, I want to say when I can eat and what I can eat. I want to go hungry if I don't have enough money for food. I want to have to make a budget for my daily living expenses. I've had enough of being looked after so much. At the same time I love all the extras I can do. lol
I guess there is a point in ones life that you get tired of being cawdled.
Last year before all of this guana thing I was at the point where I wanted to move out on my own. My parents had just let me house sit for two months and I was getting to like the independence. I really didn't think things through when I said yes to the whole Guana thing but it is all one large learning experience. I wouldn't be the person I am at this moment with out these experiences. I was told once that there are no wrong answers there are only different answers and that is So correct.
What one person or even culture sees as wrong or incorrect is readily accepted by another person or culture.