Saturday, August 09, 2003
How much to say and how much to hold back. ahhhh
No need to hold back I do'nt have to publish everything on my webpage.
People love the energy around me and I don't blame them at all. I have a connectionto God an it is this connection that people feel when they are around me. And who wouldn't love that. I just have to learn how to gaurd myself from advances. I wish to share this love to everyone but I'm only one human how to stay alive. hhmm.
I know if i start a massage business I will have no trouble getting clientel. People seem to get addicted to me easily. I just want to try and empower popeple to looke after them selves but Ihave to communicate to do that and have the confidence to do so.
I want to study for my ontario boards. then I can know info and study something and I will be on my way to be able to go to massage college and maybe work my way to a phd one day in the feild of massage.
I have to start somewhere.
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No need to hold back I do'nt have to publish everything on my webpage.
People love the energy around me and I don't blame them at all. I have a connectionto God an it is this connection that people feel when they are around me. And who wouldn't love that. I just have to learn how to gaurd myself from advances. I wish to share this love to everyone but I'm only one human how to stay alive. hhmm.
I know if i start a massage business I will have no trouble getting clientel. People seem to get addicted to me easily. I just want to try and empower popeple to looke after them selves but Ihave to communicate to do that and have the confidence to do so.
I want to study for my ontario boards. then I can know info and study something and I will be on my way to be able to go to massage college and maybe work my way to a phd one day in the feild of massage.
I have to start somewhere.
okay so I set this page up so I could vent and not hold back and what have I been doing... holding back.
That is my life it seems. I keep on restraining myself.
I went and sat on a rock on Beef islands yesterday and meditated. I am currently trying to find out where I need to go with my life. What I should be working towards.
I feel like I've been waisting my time while I have been here because i have had so much time and I haven't studied anything. I think after 14 months of college that my brain needed the break.
While sitting on the rock I was struck my the memory of playing endagered species surviveal game in Kananaskis in Jr. high science camp. I was a trumperter swan and I survived. I survived because I found a quiet hiding spot and sat there the whole time. I was actually quite disappointed inthe end becasue it was very boring sitting in the hiding spot. It was not 'fun' at all. Yet I was sccessful in the game. I was never prayed upon. But at the same time I did not feel I was part of the game because I had hidden away.
It seems I have been hiding away from life as well. I will partisipate a little but then not get too involved.
It's alll a matter of perspective.
I realize that I should not be making these blanket statments about life and myself because we are alive and when there is life there is change. things change every second of the day. We can change our perspective in oe second and thus the blanket statmetn just made can be altered.
We are the ones exeriencing the moment and that moment wil be remembered how you see fit. If you wish to remember a rainy day as grey and miserable that day was such. But you can also remember that same day watching the clouds roll in and the sky crying with tears of joy for the beauty of the earth. These tears of joy bring a bright green to the earth.
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That is my life it seems. I keep on restraining myself.
I went and sat on a rock on Beef islands yesterday and meditated. I am currently trying to find out where I need to go with my life. What I should be working towards.
I feel like I've been waisting my time while I have been here because i have had so much time and I haven't studied anything. I think after 14 months of college that my brain needed the break.
While sitting on the rock I was struck my the memory of playing endagered species surviveal game in Kananaskis in Jr. high science camp. I was a trumperter swan and I survived. I survived because I found a quiet hiding spot and sat there the whole time. I was actually quite disappointed inthe end becasue it was very boring sitting in the hiding spot. It was not 'fun' at all. Yet I was sccessful in the game. I was never prayed upon. But at the same time I did not feel I was part of the game because I had hidden away.
It seems I have been hiding away from life as well. I will partisipate a little but then not get too involved.
It's alll a matter of perspective.
I realize that I should not be making these blanket statments about life and myself because we are alive and when there is life there is change. things change every second of the day. We can change our perspective in oe second and thus the blanket statmetn just made can be altered.
We are the ones exeriencing the moment and that moment wil be remembered how you see fit. If you wish to remember a rainy day as grey and miserable that day was such. But you can also remember that same day watching the clouds roll in and the sky crying with tears of joy for the beauty of the earth. These tears of joy bring a bright green to the earth.
